About Friendship and Relationships!
( God forgive me :-) - I'm not taking anything what belongs to You...)
It is very risky in these days of "virtual informative magnificence" to talk about "friendship" or "relationships" at all - if you have taken some time (what you definitely are) to "google" with these terms then you surely found a huge amount of sites where the main focus is on dating, love and sex. But not this time! Nothing at all about sex (yes - you can leave now...), not yet at least...
I'm talking about the terms more philosophically - what these actually meant to be... and what they were when there wasn't "online coupling carousel " circling yet...What I know about this, what I know what You want to know about the topic? Answer is ... yes you got it - nothing. Why then I decided to talk about relationships and friendship at all?! Because it irritates me that nowadays friendship=love and relationships=sex. They are not! And You are better than this - You can better than this and You are definitely worth more than this!
The first thing to talk about by relationships is YOU.You
Why You? Because now we talk about your relationships! Not virtual all over relationships between all who sit behind screen and talk what "saliva gets into mouth"! No more! We are talking about real relationships between real people - from them You are the first. Because You are the most important for yourself... Don't be afraid - You are stranger for me as You always were :-) . What about your familiarity with yourself?
But what I want to give you... - more understanding about your relationships and becoming yourself than, let me guess, You'll find in advice pages of any "psychologists" or "love doctors". They are professional counselors who mostly think about the money You will give them for visits, than about You. They mostly listen and if they speak then they speak like parents speak with their children - with authority and " huss! be quiet and relax " talk. I try not to do that...
You - who You are?
The surest thing about You - You are human :) . And You live... somewhere. And You can see, taste(?), move, feel and, most important - think. Feeling something and thinking about it gives You EMOTION - as I told you in previous post. And emotion is how You feel about the situation. So is it possible, that different people "see" one situation very differently - because of different emotions... What You feel depends in big part from what emotions You have from past - beginning from the time when you were in the uterus of your mother... And believe me - this was the most comfortable and safest place for You - never anymore have You such possibility to be in the environment where no one else has any impact for You than Your mother - because You live in the World now. You have to relate to other people-persons and You have to behave how demands from you Society. Now You are not a precious beginning in mother womb but You are You between and amongst many others. So - You must be You! And be it so that You want to be You - there is no real and last longing possibility to live someone other's life - live for yourself and be your closest friend - then it is possible to have other friendships you will like...
Friendship
A little theoretical background about making friends (my comments in braces):
" Remember, friendships do not happen in a vacuum. There is a certain chemistry with friends just as in a love relationship (A.U.: which I think about as friendship also). Therefore, contact with other people is the first building block of your friendship.The transition from stranger to acquaintance to friend begins with attention - one of you attracts the other, or it's a mutual attraction. This happens when you share an experience. And you can not share an experience until you get out in the world with people. People equal a few friends and friends equal a tiny amount of people.
Some people have more trouble getting out there than others.
Who does have trouble getting out in the world to make friends? Shy people or people who are true loners often seek safety by staying away from people. If they don't even work with many people, they will have a hard time sharing experiences with someone who is attractive to them and vice-versa.
Elderly people or people who do not drive also have trouble getting out in most of the American world (A.U.:the World is not just America You know...). Other people are isolated by physical disabilities, by geography, by abusive relationships, etc.
New mothers are often too tired or just too busy to keep up an active and satisfying social life. Yet studies have shown new mothers are happier and more assured when they are able to meet with adults regularly, particularly other mothers.
Once you have captured the attention of another person or vice-versa, you must expand on that original attraction. This expansion includes additional contacts and conversation."
The upper paragraph was the friendship talk (mostly) You can find in other places also in web (I found it at www.cyberparent.com).
It is correct but it is... yeah - quite scientific, quite dry? Yes it is... And tells You nothing about making friends. But to be correct I'll give You links to more points about how to grow best friends (which are also from the website and "Written or compiled by Joy Stevens ":
1. People Equal Friends.
There is a certain chemistry with friends just as in a love relationship. Therefore, contact with other people is the first building block to grow a friend. Friends can't grow in a vacuum. Best friends take time.
2. Talking Is Essential Among Friends.
Talking between friends requires reciprocity. In a mutually satisfying friendship, both friends talk and both friends listen. Friends talk appropriately to each other.
3. Friends Acknowledge Friends.
Friends acknowledge each other when talking. Many conflicts in your personal relationships can be avoided if you will take the time to acknowledge other's feelings and points of view.
4. Friends Listen to Friends.
Listening to friends in an important step in building a closer friendship. We often take listening for granted, never realizing what it means to really listen to a friend.
5. Friends Attend to Friends.
Friends focus during conversations. Friends pay attention in conversations. It means that your ears, your eyes, your body and your feelings are all focused on that person at the time.
6. Friends Show Empathy With Friends.
Empathy is identifying with your friend's feelings and seeing life through your friend's eyes. Confidences are freely given when they are received with empathy among friends.
7. Friends Touch Friends.
Touching is a warm form of communication between friends. When you see best friends communicating, you will notice friends "listen with their eyes," stand close together, and touch comfortably.
8.Friends Praise Friends.
Affirmation is a powerful tool for growing a friend. Genuine praise can affect your friends' lives. Be liberal with praise for all of your friends, including your casual ones.
9. Friends Are Loyal and Trustworthy.
Trust and loyalty go hand-in-hand for friends. Friends can trust you with their secrets, both large and small, because good friends never break a confidence. Good friends are forever loyal!
10. Friends are Equal.
Friends are on a seesaw. In a healthy relationship, friends are equals. Not 50/50 every time, of course, but with a true, lasting friendship it always evens out in the end.
11. Friends Reveal Their Feelings.
We feel closest to our friends when we are suffering together, when we feel like our friend needs us, or when we feel a friend has shared something of great importance with us.
12.Friends Do Not Mind Read.
The person who thinks, "If you really liked me, you could read my mind" can not have an adult friendship. No friend can read your mind. And you can not read your friend's mind.
So - this was it! You can go and read about the points and get back here next time You think more philosophically about the topics of friendship or/and relationships. So do I... To the next time? Then I would more precisely focus on these "12 points of making friends" - from my point of view of course... Bye Bye!
